(Overheard by our secret source in the Kremlin)
– What a day! The Americans are really putting the boots to Merkel on Nord Stream, we’ve got demos in Khabarovsk and now Batko’s screwing up. Some days it’s just too much.
– We gotta come up with something to take people’s minds off things, Boss.
– Yeah, but what? No military anniversaries coming up. Do we have any new weapons which we can show?
– Not unless you count the re-done Bear.
– Nah, that won’t work – the Americans will just say it’s obsolete. Why it’s almost as old at their B-52!
– How about a video of the Tsar Bomba?
– Always good to remind the neo-cons that they may have Big Democracy but we’ve got Big Bomb. But I want something else.
– We could do a video of pretty girls singing that they’re Putingirls.
– Didn’t Obama did that? That’s as fake as the reset was.
– Wait Boss! I’ve got it. Let’s poison somebody! That’ll change the headlines. Sure worked that last few times.
– Hmmmm, sounds good, keep talking.
– We’ll poison that Navalniy guy…
– You know, the guy the Americans think you’re obsessed with.
– Isn’t he in France, in a lunatic asylum?
– No, the other guy.
– Oh yeah, I think I remember. OK so we poison him, then what?
– Well, he won’t die of course – our poisons are no good – and, after a day or two we let him go to some NATO country and they’ll say he was poisoned.
– Well, that will certainly change the headlines, let’s do it.
– OK Boss, and while people are obsessed with that, we can swing a few elections in the West.
– Ah yes, gotta remember to talk to Xi and coordinate our efforts. I’m still pissed off that he thinks he can fix a US election. He can do Japan, Australia, Korea and the others. That’s what multipolarism is – you do yours, we do ours.